The First B.O.F.

My good friend, 'Chelle inquires:  Would you even KNOW what to do with a puppy? HMMMMM?

To which I respond:

  Okay...you wanna know about having a puppy... I can tell you. (Big Deep Breath)  First thing that happens is you don't need an alarm clock anymore because this hair-raising noise wakes you up from a sound sleep at 5:30 in the morning.  You finally realize that its your little bundle of fluff (B.O.F. for short) caterwauling...(yes, caterwauling) to be let out of her crate cuz she has to pee!  NOW!  So you stumble around, stub your toe (ye-ouch!...shit!...ooops who said that?) and get your robe and slippers on and pick her up ( awwwwwwwww cute puppy....NO puppy/puppy don't chew on my ear...........to get her down to her x-pen where she pees in seconds flat and then because she is so proud of it....runs around in it a bit, just incase there were any papers in the x-pen that were still dry. 

  Second big breath...Okay, so now you lift your slightly soggy, squiggly, rambunctious but very loving B.O.F..... (*NO puppy, don't chew on my nose) and carry her gingerly over to the sink to clean off her paws and every-other-thing that needs cleaning.  Now you have a dilemma.... yes its a dilemma.... Do you put her down on the floor to skootch around while you are cleaning up her X pen or do you try to clean up around her.... always 'membering that she can jump up and swing from your hair while you are leaning over to put down more papers...on the other hand...she hasn't pooped yet and there is always that mysterious after-pee that arrives later. 

  Big Breath.... SO...you decide to put your BOF down on the floor for the few minutes it will take to get rid of the old papers and put down new ones and she promptly squats just out of arms reach (how does she know how long your arms are anyway?) to poop and then runs over and grabs your (NEW) scarf off your coat to cover it up cuz its really stinky, you know.  And while you are running for the paper towels, she again squats.... its that after-pee time, you know...so you might as well get out the "Simple Solution" right away too.

  Of Course, its only 5:45 now and you are trying to decide if you should stop and make coffee to drink with your valium or just chug the bottle down dry.  But you don't have to worry about cleaning the x-pen right away now cuz all her business is done for a bit of a while, so the panic is off at least for now.  But you figure...no time like the present.  And get all the old papers out and new ones laid down...and change all the dirty fluffy squeaky toys for new clean ones and put down a new fluffy sheepskin, fresh water, fresh food.... and feeling like you've really accomplished something.  You put your BOF into the X-pen and ohhhhhhhhhhhh isn't it cute as she races around and discovers all of her new fluffy toys and drags her sheepskin into her water dish.  But that’s okay; cuz the coffee is made now and the Valium are kicking in....so there is a warm rosy glow around your BOF and a silly smirk on your face.

  Actually, maybe its a good time to go sit down for a few minutes cuz you know when you get up.... your wonderful, sweet BOF will have tipped both her food and water dish over and you can start all over again.

Reporting from the Front Lines